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Post by Nic on Feb 26, 2008 2:00:25 GMT 4
Fancfic Contest!
Create a oneshot fanfic on Maximum Ride it could be of any category having maybe your OC (own character) ok?
i made this contest and is to not join the contest since i will be the judge who will be selecting the winner/s!
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Post by Fallen(Abby) on Mar 5, 2008 7:37:51 GMT 4
(I guess this should be about Abby so you know the deal.Make room for the psycho chick!!!)
The Death Of An Angel
"Hey Abby,you okay up there?"Jake called out to his sister seeing that she had just now dropped about 6 or 7 feet away from him."Ugh,no Jake.I think I'm gonna puke."She said as she dropped another 2 feet."Hey Abby c'mon now.You can do it!Just don't think about it."He said as he swooped down beside her."Unh...*gulp*...I'm landing NOW!"she called out to him as she dropped her speed to land on a mountain ridge below them."Abby wait up,you now there could be-"as he turned to face his sister he noticed that she had turned a sickly green color."You don't look so good."he said with a hint of playfulness."Ya think she said as she landed.She drooped down to her knees as she threw up about a pint of vomit."Ewe,do you have to that all out in the open like this?"Jake said as he turned away not wanted to see any more of his sister spewing her guts out."this way I don't like-"she heaved another pint of vomit on the grond."Fl-*gulp*flying."She said as he brother let out a roar of laughter."You would think that a kid who could fly wouldn't get altitude sickness."He bellowed out between laughing."IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!!!"she yelled out as she grabbed her hands in her hands.Jake jumped on his sister knowing what this meant."NO ABBY,FIGHT IT!!"he said shaking her ever so violently.Abby,after struggling,maneged to throw Jake off of her.Flinging herself into the sky as she did."ABBY!!!!"
(not done yet.but how do you like it so far?anything you dislike about it?Oh,I put the altitude sickness in there cus I get car sick.so enjoy her getting sick cus after this Jake will be in for the ride of his life.)
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Post by Nic on Mar 7, 2008 0:33:29 GMT 4
Not bad , you could improve it though few spelling mistakes and maybe you can make it more clear that they were flying you know And maybe more deeper descriptions you know more complex words and some of the sentences you could have just cut off the last part such as this one: Abby,after struggling,managed to throw Jake off. You don't need the 'of her' at the end other that that it's a fine start ^_^ Oh and mind paragraphing it too? thanks!
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Post by Fallen(Abby) on Mar 7, 2008 1:00:26 GMT 4
Thanks for telling me that.I'm japanese so my spelling and use of words maybe a lilltle off at time.
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Post by Flight on Mar 8, 2008 9:13:37 GMT 4
I like the story Can't wait to read more
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Post by Nic on Mar 11, 2008 3:35:50 GMT 4
you are what?!!!!!!! you are Japanese! oh my golly gosh!!!!!!! i am sooo uber jealous!!!! do you reside(live) in Japan?
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Post by Fallen(Abby) on Mar 11, 2008 7:10:17 GMT 4
no,unfourcnaly.I live with my mom in amreica cus my dad says I'm too preocupied to live there anymore.He says I gotta cautch up on my school work.(over here ya'll don't have alo to do)I like it over here.t man ther are way to many o trees over here,it's like god!!!
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Post by Nic on Mar 11, 2008 20:47:46 GMT 4
wheee i c.... well i still envy you i wanted to go to Japan like forever!!!!
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Post by Fallen(Abby) on Mar 13, 2008 8:13:27 GMT 4
"ABBY!"Jake yeled out after his sister."No Jake,I gotta do this,alone.""It's the only way!"Abby called back over her shoulder to Jake who was strugleing to keep up."Abby,you don't have to this all by your self!""You sould know by now that I'm always here for you."He said as tears began to streamed down his cheeks.He hoped that Abby didn't notice the crack in his voice as he spoke."Abby I'm your big brother,that should mean something!!""No Jake!""It doesn't,you and I are nothing alike.""You don't now the pain,the hate...the shear fear of haveing to live with constant need to murder something."Her eye sight was geting cloudy with hot tears."Abby,I may not know what that may feel like but,I know how it feels to have to see your baby sister go through it.""An that is enogh to breake my heart."To see you kill inocent peolpe with out careing...It's madness...ABBY!!!!Jake shouted as Abby lost conctionness,falling o the ground at a speed to make you dizzy."Abby hold on!"he sayd hoping that she could still hear him.He swooped down below her as they both hit the grond.Jake takingthe most damege."Abby,you okay?"he aksed sercing for any visabul wounds."J-Jake...everthings turning dark and fuzzy."She said in a weak voice cluching his shirt to make sure that he as still there.Abby just stay with me,I'll take you to the hos-nevermind."I'll do someting...just just hold on please!"Holding his sister in his arms he let his tears flow frelly down his face onto Abby's dirty black hair."No...no jake...it's,it's over,I can't do this anymore.""Please jake don't cry."She said reaching for the knife in Jakes back pocket.He didn't even noticed it."Jake..."she said her voice nothing but a wisper."yes Abby?""I'm sorry,but it's the only way."Her eyes flashed red at the same moment the knife was in his back,blood oozing over her hand."A-Abby..."Jake's last words as he slumped over beside her."I'm sorry jake."She said as she bgain sobbing uncontroleably.out of the woods Dr.Valentine walked out of the darken trees."Good job,Fallen."he said placeing his hand on her shoulder."Now fisish the job."he told her."What?"she looke dup confused.she heard jake wimper slightly.she didn't intend on killing him.she only made it look like she did."okay,I'll fish it."she said wityh a smrik on her face."I'm completing my mission...to end this,forever."She gripped the knife so hard htat her knuckles had turned white."AAHHHHH!!!!*gasp*blood spilled from her mouth."It*cough* is done..."she coughed out before she hit the groung cold and hard.Lifeless.Jake got up and buried his sister.On her head stone it read:"Abby,My Little Angel"And jake orabby was never heard from or about again.Dr.Valentine,he was killed in a freake "accendent".and when cops later found her head stone they wrote a artical i the paper.THe title:"A unknown Angel" and it fit.IT was the end of many angels that day,for jake had killed there maker.No one els had to suffer anymore.Two weeks later the cops fround a wingany angel left in the world.No more to be found or made.Truely the end of anles as we know it.But people say that when you walk alone at night on the hikeing path wher abbby's headstone is,they say youcan still hear her telling jake..."I'm Sorry"but that's just what they say right?
(how you like it? it was going to be longer but it was just a short fanfic.)
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Post by Nic on Mar 18, 2008 22:20:27 GMT 4
Great nice loved it!!!!!!!! i am going to edit it and post it as a whole if you don't mind then i will await for more entries before judge the winner! ;D
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Post by Fallen(Abby) on Mar 19, 2008 5:39:47 GMT 4
I could jump up and down right now...but I won't.okay maybe just a little happy dance.*Jumps around in a circle*
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Post by Fang / Kaiden / Niki / Levi on Sept 5, 2008 23:53:10 GMT 4
Alright, I'll give it a go. Niki and Kaiden and one extra OC (Kez, par human part kestral and best mates with Niki) The sky was a firey red as the sun was setting slowly and Niki and Kez were flying over the top of a large city. It had been days since they knew where they were. They flew side by side, their wing tips brushing on every down stroke. Kez looked over at Niki and smiled. "we should find somewhere to spend the night" He shouted over the roar of the wind. Kez nodded and they dipped their wings into a slow, decending circle. "There!" Called Niki pointing at the top of a sky scraper that looked like it was still being built so there was lots of scafolding and half built walls to sleep near. Kez tucked in her wings and Niki followed, both hitting the floor within a second of eachother. The both had a quick scout around the roof top to make sure that they were safe. Niki was the first to see it. There was a small form near one of the walls, it looked like a child but they couldn't tell till the got closer. Niki signalled for Kez to go on one side and he would take the other. He wanted to know what this person was doing in a half built sky scraper. They both approached slowly. Niki was the first to call out. "Hey? you there? What are you doing up here?" He called as he got within a dozen yards... *~*~* Kaiden had been in the half built sky scraper for the past week, nothing had come up so he felt safe. I was getting dark so he curled up against one of the walls and head on his arms. It only took him a few minutes to get to sleep. a little while later something dusturbed him, the presence of other people, he stiffened but didn's move, hopefully they wouldn't notice him. "Hey? You there? What are you doing up here?" called out a voice. no such luck he thought sourly as he stood slowly. He opened his mouth to reply but no words came out, this was the first time he had been confronted since he had left the School. "I believe he asked you a question!" Called another voice, female, from the other side of him. His head whipped between the two as he backed up against the wall, trapped... ((this is only the start))
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Post by Nic on Sept 6, 2008 23:15:37 GMT 4
ooooh nice ;D i like it already
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